Monday, November 30, 2015

Elections 2015

Elections 2015

Brought to you by Dana "I Want to Swing" Rosenberg & Allison "From the Chandelier" Sands.

5:55pm All's quiet on the Platt front. Koosh sits reading his laptop, pondering, shaking his head. He hopes that the next year brings...something...better.

5:57pm Hark! The arrival of the freshmen! They enter, all full of excitement and promise. Candidates are dressed in suits and stress. Everyone is excited.

5:58pm Dana & Allison watch tumblr video about an emu.

6:00pm The bloggers ask, and an anonymous voter speaks:

Q: What are you looking forward to this election season?

A: I'm looking forward to the tight race for treasurer, that position specifically and no others.

Ed Note: Dammit Jackie, you had to go for that, that hurts.

6:02pm Jonathan Calles, resident DM, steals hat. The world may never know t(hat).

6:03pm People remain in their usual seats. There appears to be no sense of imagination within the Penn Band.

6:04pm Joe Klinger makes a fedora joke. Joe Klinger is no longer in the Penn Band.

6:04pm Chants of "Magic! Magic!" begin. Jonathan Calles calls for backflips. Jonathan Calles is an asshole.

6:07pm We cannot lean on the table we are typing on; it's going to fall. We type lightly with purpose.

6:07pm Quiet chants of Magic. Greer claps his hands and it begins.
"Let's start. I want to go home." -Greer Cheeseman, 2015

6:08pm Greer asks the tough question, "What does Dana do as president?"

Dana speaks too quietly. She is asked to stand.

Dana is a figurehead.

"It's a big job and you can do it!" (clap)

A polite smattering of applause.

Candidates are:
Laura Kuder (WHAR '18, Flute)
Ben Parker (SAS '18, Clarinet)
Colleen Brace (NURS '17, Saxophone)

Laura takes the floor. Dana types furiously fast.

Laura: She joined the Penn Band 64 weeks ago. She was interviewed by 2011 band alum, Vicky. Laura promised her that she'd come to First Rehearsal. She's been in good standing, lives in the Band House, and has been flute section leader, which was the most rewarding experience of her band career. She's organized, hosts events, and runs her section well. She helped execute the band's NSO Carnival, which went beyond her call as a council member. On council, she started to notice the varied opinions of the band, and she thinks a President should embrace that. Laura loves that there is no typical bando (note: a theme!). She looks forward to hearing out different people's opinions, and wants to make this a group that everyone feels welcome in. She thinks she should set an example as President by cheering at games, keeping promises, and provides examples of how she will do so. *Fashion Note: she's wearing an adorable Penn crest heart button*. Finally, Laura's home is 4,000 miles away, she feels at home in the Penn band, and knows this band is what makes her college experience special.


Ben takes the floor. He claims he's dying? Dammit, Ben. Chad Haddad, "Aren't we all [dying]?!" We love having nurses in the band.

Ben: He is honored to be running for President because of what this group stands for. #Scandal Greer's phone rings. Order is restored and Ben continues. Ben wants bandos to find the same home in the band that he did when he was a freshman. He plans to make decisions that will benefit the band years from now. He wants to focus on special events and road trips because they help bandos bond across sections and years. As travel manager, he enjoyed working with Kyle, AA's, Board, and other bands. Loves doing the behind the scenes stuff. Also wants to emphasize recruitment to expand the band's community as well as creating a welcoming and accepting culture in the band. Site's band's mission: please the university and please the people. The band's mission can only be accomplished if the band is happy, which comes from a communicative Board, Council, and Band. Ben shares his feelings: he lives, breathes, texts, and travels with bandos. The band is his home base, default, and support network. Ben provides more dad humor. This is the family he chose (Ed note: thanks, Dad!). He wants to improve the band because he wants to support us. He's our biggest fan.


--Allison taking over--

Colleen Brace takes the floor. She wears a lovely scarf.

Colleen: Two years ago she did not think she would be running for President. She didn't apply for council her freshman year, but she grew as a person and as a leader in her time in the Penn Band. With the hope of taking a section known for its poor attendance and making into a working cog of the PB. Initially, it was tricky, but she has been successful in her goals as section leader, bringing them back home. Her leadership skills have developed through her taking care of the hoodlums that are the sax section. She has organized their music and made them a more social section. She knows that new board will be able to accomplish goals, work together, and create an environment where people will grow through the band. A bigger better band is important, but it's also important to keep an eye on the individual, so people don't fall through the cracks. It's important to build from the ground up, and care about every single individual, creating a band that is a source of enjoyment, not stress. We are the face of this university and we should be a working and cooperative unit. As President, she wants to create such an environment, a group that prioritizes having the time of our lives.


--Dana taking over--

Jonathan Calles (DM, SAS'16): The band often times over commits to events (note: he asked this last year). Suppose you have a special event, and the band's instrumentation is questionable, and you have a week in advance to cancel.

Colleen: Speaks about playing at the LPSSA (Liberal & Professional Studies Student Association) event the band has done for the past two years. She thinks it's important to show up because we make commitments and help incorporate people into the university through our music and mirth.
Ben: Speaks about playing at the hockey game Homecoming weekend. If we're having fun as a small band, it's important to go.
Laura: Answers similarly.

Matthew Eisenberg (Drumline, WHAR '18): Why is no one running for treasurer?

Ben: Would enjoy being treasurer, but thinks he's best suited for the long term thinking the position of president requires.
Laura: Wanted a position where she could build relationships, and make an impact upon people. President does this more than treasurer.
Colleen: She wants to change the environment of the band thought the band's philosophy, which falls under the president's role. (I can confirm).

JSS (VP Candidate, Tuba, SAS, '18), asks the classic first week of band you have to send 20 people to San Diego question.

Laura: Would work with DMs and Section Leaders, notes that seniority matters.
Colleen: Big event, televised, our image matters (read: prettiest bandos?), and instrumentation matters most. She would also prioritized seniority.
Ben: Agrees with what's been said. Bandfurcate if possible so that the new members of the band can remain engaged.

Kelly "Naeun" Ha (DM, SAS'16): How do you balance the happy-go-lucky nature of the band with the band's mission to serve the university?

Colleen: Having a relaxed band would help attendance. We are the face of the university, it's important to show up to events that we commit to.
Ben: Wants to PULL people to band (read: are we rushing or dragging?!). He also thinks that attendance takes care of itself when people are having fun.
Laura: We have to balance school with band, and we can make band a positive place to be.

Dana (President, Clarinet, NURS'16) asks a question. What would your long-term goal for the band be if you were President and why?

Ben: Recruitment and Retention. Both measure how healthy the group is. If people want to join, it means we have a good group. If people stay, it means that people are committed.
Laura: I'd make connections with general band members and the band leadership. Bandos need to feel important and know that they contribute.
Colleen: Make a bigger connection with our alumni network. We don't tap into it enough.

Derek asks the candidates to share their biggest weakness. (Note: Derek's weakness is the fact that he's 13 years old, or is that his greatest strength?)

Laura: Tries too hard to please people so it's difficult to make hard decisions. She will work with her other Board members to make these difficult decisions for the band.
Colleen: Tries too hard to make people happy, and is afraid of upsetting people. Also agrees that team work helps, which shows that she's considerate. (note: she turned the negative into a positive #classic)
Ben: Sometimes he can't convey what he's thinking, but he works on it everyday of his life.

Closing statements:

Colleen: Whenever alumni come back, they emphasize how fun and nice the band used to be. Now that Penn is stressful, she wants to make sure the band stays fun and light.
Ben: The band is a stress free place, the band is in a great place, and Ben wants to continue the progress that's been made.
Laura: The band means so much to her, and being President would be an honor. She wants to make memories with us, and loves us.

"Please vote on the poop emoji!"
-Dana Rosenberg, 2015

--Allison has returned--

Votes are collected.

Koosh talks to us about legal licenses for the CD. Koosh makes announcements about the CD. Woo!!! Greer makes an announcement. We are all getting Penn Band Calendars!!! That's all I wanted for Christmas.

The Penn Band converses.

6:46pm Board seniors return from counting votes!

There is a runoff!
Ben Parker v. Colleen Brace

"Please vote on the bread emoji!"
-Dana Rosenberg, 2015

The Penn Band converses again.

6:51pm Joe Klinger makes another horrible fedora pun. He is out of the band again.

6:54pm Board seniors return again!

Ben Parker is the 2016 President!

--Dana signs on--

On to Vice-President!

What does Matt La Fronz do?
Show-writing, make sure the voice shows up, mostly show stuff, also zoo animal elections maybe.

The Candidates are:
John San-Soucié (SAS '18, Tuba)

JSS takes the floor. He looks dashing!

JSS: 6 score and minus one year ago, a new ensemble appeared on the Schuykill River. A younger more handsome band invented music in 1905, it's all been down hill from there. FDR made us an alphabet soup organization, but we just adopted a petting zoo. The Band ran in the 1976 Republican Election, but the background check revealed that we weren't Bob Dole. JSS wants to introduce the new, the illustrious, tilted unsplit P. He would make a good 1/5th of the Board. He helped rig zoo animal....nevermind. Greer's phone goes off and his speech is over.

Tell us a joke!

JSS: This one is about an aristocrat. *Groans ensue*

Vote by acclimation, no one opposes.

John San Soucie is the 2016 Vice President!

Allison explains what she does: SAC, dues, uniforms, you know the deal. No one is signed up. Joey Licata (Secretary, Chop, SEAS '16) wanted to be treasurer, he's shot down.

Laura Kuder is nominated by Ben Parker.

JSS nominates Colleen Brace, she respectfully declines.

The candidates are:
Laura Kuder (WHAR '18, Flute)

A motion for acclimation is heard for Laura. Derek gets upset because he likes being difficult. A second vote by acclimation!

Laura Kuder is the 2016 Treasurer!

Laura an international Whartonite, making strides for Penn Band Board diversity.

--Allison signs on--

What does Joey do?
Shows up, takes attendance, takes notes, deals with people, makes sure they show up, GOOGLE FORMS, SPREADSHEETS, etc.

Nominees are Spencer Fox.

Nominations from the floor?
Jonathan Calles nominates Colleen Brace.
Colleen Brace respectfully declines.

The candidates are:
Spencer Fox (SEAS' 18, Chop)

Spencer will give his speech, mostly because he is in a suit.

"I excel in Excel."
-Spencer Fox, 2015

A motion for acclimation is heard. Dana wants to hear Spencer's speech. There is no dissent.

Spencer Fox is the 2016 Secretary!

Onto the Ass of Horses.

Greer explains the legend of the Horse's Ass, as well as the legend of Scott.
  • Ben nominates Emma for chanting "Amy Gutmann" at someone who wasn't Amy Gutmann. 
  • Jeanette nominates Scott for getting married and then slapping Joey across the face
  • JSS nominates Spirit Airlines for ruining Disney World forever
  • Jacob nominates JSS's found teeth. 
  • Jake Ponto for being Jake Ponto.
  • Spencer Fox for the rug. 
Votes are taken on the whale. (Ed Note: whale was in the middle of the page). There is public dissent, but Dana no longer aims to please.   

DMs hijack elections to talk about CA auditions. Jonathan and Andi have matching scarves. Nerds. Kelly is sick. They talk about CA stuff. 

There was no magic. We are all disappointed.

7:13pm: Elections end. Shortest elections in a while?

Yay 2016 board! Congratulations! 

The youngest Penn Band Board in history? Perhaps in age, but not in their wisdom.

Once again:

President- Ben Parker
Vice President- John San Soucie
Treasurer- Laura Kuder
Secretary- Spencer Fox

Monday, December 1, 2014

Elections 2014

brought to you live by Lauren "It's Happening" Mendoza and Marietta "Glug" Catsambas

6:01 - The band room is rapidly fulling up. Chants of "Four more years" fill the room.

6:03 - MASS CHAOS.

6:04 - Marietta takes over.

6:08 - Lauren is back. We found markers and the whiteboard can be put to use in its full potential!

Chants of MAGIC fill the room.

Note: check out @PBDecides2014 for additional, live, to-the-minute coverage.

It's time. Time to Shine? Perhaps for some, but not for all.

6:10 - Here we go.

6:11 - I talk about what I do. SCANDAL: I don't actually know what I do.

President speech time!

The candidates:
Jacob Reeder
Dana Rosenberg

Jacob Reeder is up. The band has grown a lot in talent and numbers. He's been R/R chair. Nothing excites him more than our outreach efforts. NOTHING? Nothing. He is from Syracuse and wanted to leave. Kate Kutch [<3] was the one who got him to join band! Kate Kutch is really who the Penn Band is. We all want to be more like Kate. Jacob has met lots of people through being R/R and likes doing lots of things with bandos. He is living in the band house next year, as he has for the past years. Finger counting: keep traditions alive, let us be the best band we can be, let us be the most welcoming band we can be. He wishes to COMMUNICATE [ha comm major jokes] with Council, Board, adults, etc. He looks forward to working with us.

Dana Rosenberg's turn. Dana is our 2014 treasurer and she would love to be our 2015 president. Dana had a hard time in her first months at Penn, but the band was what welcomed her and it became a home for her. Dana wants to give back to us as president - she was TM and now treasurer, and knows how to talk about the band to others on and off this campus. She made the uniforms actually happen this year! Teamwork is essential to Board and you don't do anything alone. Dana wants to make this group have a collaborative atmosphere. She BELIEVES in the Penn Band.

Question time!

Kelly - band philosophy?

Dana - Whatever we want it to be, as a group. An open space for everyone.

Jacob - We have one band. I will rely on Council and Board and we will meet somewhere in the middle.

Steven - what would you do if you had an incompetent Board member?

Jacob - Board is 4 students and hopefully we can work something out among ourselves. But the band can remove a Board member if we vote on it.

Dana - As President, work with the individual and try to find out what's going on. See why this person is being incompetent first!

Rob - do you have time for this?

Dana - I've done it already this past year, and I can do it again.

Jacob - I'm in some stuff, but band is my big priority.

--Marietta in--

Adrian - crowning achievement in your past term?

Jacob - Quantity and quality of recruits.

Dana - Uniforms! Pants!!!

Andi - biggest shortcoming of the band?

Dana - Attendance is a touchy subject. Attitude matters more!

Jacob - Seconds Dana. Athletics pulls us in all different directions.

Kylie Anne - what if DMs don't agree with the president's decision?

Jacob - Relinquishing control to DMs if it's under their jurisdiction. Don't take it personally; focus on what's best for the band.

Dana - Special meeting with the DMs and Board. Really values the role DMs play.

--Lauren in--

Closing time!

Dana - This band is an amazing place with whatever we do. We're a team, and I want to lead this band as a team. It's OUR group and I want to empower it to be the best that it can be.

Jacob - I love to say that I'm a part of the marching band with many different groups. We have a diverse, human side and this is the first group that pulled me in.

Voting time!

We all vote on the smug dog.

--Lauren and Marietta go count votes, Andres in--

Andres takes over blog.

There is small chatter as we wait for votes.


Kelly Ha (DM '16) takes the floor as a volunteer.
Joke. Light banter.

Greer makes a bold prediction. Calls Kelly's mind "blank."
Kelly confuses colors.

Everyone is amazed. Greer gives a bow.

Greer harasses the press box.

Someone tell horses'-ass worthy stories.

Derek: Scott should win through butterfly effect (that was serious).

Light banter all around.

Dana Rosenberg wins President!

--Lauren back in--

Andres talks about what he does as VP. STUFF.

The candidates:
Matt La Fronz
John San Soucie

Matt La Fronz, Matt La Fronz, Matt La Fronz. CHANTING. Matt was going to talk about chickens, but then he did not. Alas. Now he wants to tell us why he wants to be our VP. The VP has to make sure the shows are funny, smart, and appropriate. He's been to nearly every showwriting. And he wants to maintain order during showwriting. ATTENTION: everyone should read the Bill Cosby Applebee's show. We forget that *Gonzo's face* isn't funny, sometimes. Band is a family. LB has great unity, and I want to carry this on to the whole. [Greer - wrap it up.] Thank you!

John San Soucie, freshman candidate, stalks up to the front. Breakthrough role: guy who plays tuba. I joined this band 84 days ago [after some complex math]. I REJECT 2014. I want more jokes, more fun, more MAGIC. Our current VP, Áńdréś Góńźáléź, has done a fantastic job. I know how executive Boards work. I want to keep the band running smoothly. I've met some great people in this huge, enormous, well-endowed band.

Question time!

Rob - what do you plan on doing as VP outside of showwriting?

JSS - I'll be around when everyone needs another leader.

Matt - Aside from helping Board and working on a team, the VP has projects of their own: zoo animal election, cheer vs. band bball, CD.

Greer says Matt should give JSS his tie.

Ben - do people get the shows you write?

Matt - I mean, you guys laugh most of the time. But I want to make it more open.

JSS - A good show has a balance between making fun of schools and being funny. Dartmouth was absurdist.

Koosh - open ended question: who is our audience?

JSS - A lot of people. Opposing team, especially away crowds, the crowd, and us.

Matt - Everyone in attendance, but more importantly, it's who we are. We are the best audience.

--Marietta in--

Andi - do you have time for this?

Matt - I MEAN. Technically takes classes, has a job. Makes time for band.

JSS - VP responsibility isn't thaaat big.

Kelly - process of music selection?

JSS - I don't have the behind-the-scenes experience, but we did something with the Princeton show that worked.

Matt - Talk with DMs, make the process more organized.

--Lauren in--

Derek - tell us another joke.

*collective groan*

I'm not writing these down.

Closing time!

JSS - This band is the best organization I've seen in my life. Everything is awesome. I've had so much fun. This is fantastic.

Matt - I want to give back to this group, and I think I'm qualified to do so. I hope you've heard me cheer.

[note: Matt shaved for this!]

--Lauren and Marietta go count votes, Andres in--

Andres is back writing. More magic. Time for another volunteer. Derek Arbige takes the floor.

Greer has professional thumb cuffs
Only HE is allowed to be funny
Derek is in thumb cuffs. Greer puts on a funny hat. That's the best way to put it.

Greer attempts to read Derek's mind. Doesn't go so well.
Derek is the one doing magic now.
Greer is now in handcuffs. HE BREAKS OUT OF THEM! 

Light banter

--Lauren back in--

Matt La Fronz wins Vice President!

Dana talk$ about the money $tuff $he did.

The candidate:
Allison Sands

Rob nominates Jacob, Jacob declines.

Allison is the only candidate. She will read us her speech! She tells us we have no other choice, so...but she obviously loves the band. She is here and ready to give her time. She does work, but that's not important. This is important. Allison is excited!

Domonique - what is acclimation?

Adam tells us what acclimation is. Are we cool?

Andi asks a question about the dress with pockets.

Allison wins Treasurer!

John nominates Jacob, Jacob declines.

The candidates:
Molly Brothers
Joey Licata
Steven Meisler

Marietta talks about what she does. Spreadsheets. Schedules. Forms. Calendar. Minutes.

Molly Brothers thanks the band - we motivated her to run for secretary today. She was bombarded by Dana and Marietta at the family picnic during her NSO! She wants to contribute to band by being on Board as secretary. Band is about getting to know everyone as more than just a name. She will do this no matter what, and she wants to be there for us as our voice on Board.

Joey Licata doesn't need no stand. Band is where we can all be accepted and a safe place. He wants to keep it this way. He has really good attendance [confirmed]. He's been Chop SL and Fanfare Secretary, and wants to put in a system to easily access attendance. Board is in constant communication with each other, and he could be a good Board member. Once you're in the Penn Band, you're here for life. Thank you.

Steven Meisler also wants to be our secretary. He was percussion SL, which is its own little entity. He's been a mini-secretary for the drumline. He does a lot with spreadsheets and has gotten to know everyone, but particularly the drummers. He loves the Band and wants to serve it. Be wiser, vote Meisler!

Question time!

Marietta - name 3 people not in your section!

They do.

Kylie - if you could go back and do something again, what would it be?

Steven - Work out the music situation better.

Molly - Better transfer of music to organize.

Joey - More social events.

Linnea - previous attendance compared to future?

Molly - I'm in Good Standing [yay Fanfare!] but my attendance could improve a bit.

Joey - I'm a busy person, but I've still had the best attendance of the band this year [Marietta confirms].

Steven - Next semester is easy, I only had to miss an event if I had to.

Rob - what is the biggest mistake this Board has made?

Joey - Communication *take a shot*

Steven - Same.

Molly - Same.


JSS - *asks the question Koosh asked presidential candidates last year*

Steven - Send out preferences Google form. Instrumentation is most important thing.

Molly - Instrumentation, past attendance, seniority.

Joey - Instrumentation, seniority is something we should consider. Also give freshmen the chance to travel.

Marietta - greatest strength?

Molly - I plan everything out. EVERYTHING.

Joey - I get shit done.

Steven - I keep a smile on my face no matter what.

Derek - greatest weakness?

Molly - Sometimes I get stressed when things aren't organized.

Joey - I joke around a little...sometimes...

Steven - I overthink things.

--Marietta in--

Lauren - what success have we seen from your sleadership?

Steven - Better system of music.

Molly - More social! More dry events! Also, a music form.

Joey - Music is double-sided. Retention has really improved.

Jonathan - how will you contribute to this specific Board?

Joey - Knows the new Board, is ready to communicate nonstop with them.

Steven - Matt doesn't like my puns. But this contrast will bring more discussion.

Molly - They're all my good friends. Everyone is organized, Matt will keep us happy.

Andi - how will you deal with unresponsive bandos?

Molly - Let things happen without over-controlling.

Joey - Not hard to bump emails or reach out to people individually.

Steven - Forms can be monotonous. Mix it up with other

Kristi - what is the line between official band and social band?

Steven - They are distinct. But if illicit behavior is noticed, it should be addressed.

Molly - Board members are also social members. Alcohol shouldn't have the band's name on it.

Joey - It's a gray area. New Board will discuss with new Social Chairs.

Kelly - how will you separate personal relationships from your role on Board?

Joey - Nothing will really be affected. Maintain an air of professionalism.

Steven - I am friendly.

Molly - This is why there are 4 students and 3 AAs on Board. Everyone contributes to the conversation.

--Lauren in--

Closing time!

Steven - I love Penn and the band. I want to be your secretary.

Joey - This Band is a great place and I love it. I want it to be the best it can be.

Molly - I'm looking forward to getting to know you.

Votes cast on the loaf dog.

--Lauren and Marietta go count votes, Andres in--

Andres comes back in. The ballots are being collected.

The Horse's Ass Award makes its way to the floor.

People cheer at the Award.

Greer: The Horse's Award is given for being a Horse's Ass.

The Rob Ritchie who Joshua'ed Highball
Chops have been nominated multiple times
Greer better count the damn votes this year
The Show Writing Committee who made the Triangle Show

Koosh will now tell why we have the Horse's Ass Award

Joey Licata wins Secretary!

Horse's Ass nominations will take place on the majestic gorilla elephant centaur
We are now voting for Horse's Ass
Chops appear to be a shoe-in

People are leaving.

Your new executive board consists of:

President Dana Rosenberg
Vice President Matt La Fronz
Treasurer Allison Sands
Secretary Joey Licata

Thanks for tuning in!

Monday, December 2, 2013

Elections 2013

We're live!

@PBDecides2013 is providing running commentary as well.

6:05 pm: first chants of "MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC" commence.

Red Carpet Report: Greer in flannel. Both VP candidates wearing band sweaters and khakis.

Kit-Kats are fueling the press box. Glucose levels rise.

A freshman candidate, Steven Meisler, arrives.

ADAM IS HERE. Adam is the coelacanth of the Band. Just when you think he's extinct, he returns. He has recently reawakened from his post-Bonegiving slumber. Hi, Adam.

6:10 pm: second chants of "MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC" commence.

6:10 pm: Chris Dorian asks if he is eligible to run. He is not.

Not enough pills in the Greer.

Presidential candidates:
Rob Ritchie
Lauren Mendoza
Kristi Littleton

Rob Ritchie begins his speech. Band is his happy place. He knew before he came to campus that he was going to join band. He takes a break from mountains of homework to play in band. He has been chop SL and conducting assistast. He says that he is a very loud voice on Board. Rob wishes communication to improve between Board and Council. Rob has sat down with EVERYONE ELSE running for a board position tonight. He wishes to retain undefeated record.


Lauren is up. At Thanksgiving she told everyone how thankful she was to find her home on campus. She is good at keeping up with things because she works from school for a catering company...WOW. She already serves as a figurehead (DM). She has given us various performance opportunities. She takes Council's criticisms to heart. Lauren made the Band's Spotify playlist. She has grown very much though Band. She would work with other Band members to promote unity. There is no such thing as a typical bando. She wants celebrate diversity. A SCANDAL. LDOZ is in love with us.

SHOTS FIRED--I want to be president not for the power, but for the honor.


Kristi is up. Last board has done a good job being transparent (take a shot!). In the fall last year, Kristi got a call from...ME! He asked me (I asked her?) to live in the Band House. She said yes! and ran through the pouring rain to sign the lease. She served as flute section leader, and shout out to Kelly for doing a great job. She really loves our social atmosphere. Many mentions of the Band House (she is the only candidate running for prez who lives in the Band House). She really wants to be on Board. She isn't running because she thinks she'd do a better job, so she won't list her qualifications. If you add up the hours, she has given a whole lot...that's all.


Questions--the fun part begins!

Tony B--the saxophone vote is pretty much undecided. What can you do to appease the saxes?
LM--I'll let you know when we split you up.
RR--I live with you, Tony.

Koosh--Here's a real decision we had to make--Band is to play in San Diego for the first game of the season but only pays for 20 people.
RR--poll the Band for instrumentation. Keep in mind that some people aren't totally confident.
KL--agree, but take seniority into account. Lottery if not
LM--talk to section leaders. Don't overwhelm.

me--what would your band philosophy be moving forward
KL--said it in my speech, we are family
LM--one band, one sound. We operate as a unit
RR--openness (take a shot!). I don't want Band decisions to be made by just a few people

Jon Calles--what is your personal stance on overcommitting/undercommitting to events?

--KIT-KAT break--

LM--use section leaders as a resource to determine availability
RR--err on the side of caution. We sound REALLY good. Focus on quality of event of quantity
KL--depends on the event. Purim, for example, was really great with just a few people. If we're just playing for Jews, sound quality doesn't matter.

Kylie Murrin (DM and superhot redhead)--what is one thing concrete thing you want to emphasize?
KL--history of the Band
RR--look at the way Council works. Tweak social chair position.
LM--change the "anyone can play in the band, even if you don't play an instrument?" narrative. Bring it together. Have everyone in it?

Joe Becker (senior tuba)--Name a personal weakness of yours.
KL--I like to do things alone.
RR--I don't want to take on TOO much. I don't want to jump into everything.
LM--I have taught myself to break down large projects.


Serge Saint-Preux--What will you do if you lose?
LM--apply for a council position, my position as DM expires in May
RR--still try to stay involved?

Closing Statements!
KL--Want to make Band a happy family.
LM--Band is a safe place. I want to make things better. IS SHE CRYING? Maybe.

--DKJ getting up to do things--

I'm back. Rob is 3rd place. Voting commences between Lauren M and Kristi L.

--DKJ back out to tally votes--

--Josh Tagging in--

DKJ announces that the President for the 2014 Calendar Year is Lauren Mendoza

--DKJ back!--

Nominees for Vice President are
Andres Gonzalez, VP incumbent
Jacob Reeder, recruitment/retention chair

Kristi Littleton and Jon Calles respectfully decline nominations from Chris Dorian from the floor.

Andres Gonzalez
Jacob Reeder

AG: I do waaaaay more than just write shows. Zoo animals, band lunch, notes at IBC, rewrote IBA. I set up chairs for elections! Showwriting used to miserable--just a laptop in the back room. My shows are actually funny--they're supposed to be! I grew up in a single room with six other people. Most of the men in my family are addicted to something. I'm


JR: I REFUSE TO TRANSCRIBE A POEM! I haven't been able to make it showwritings this semester because I've been at Lea Elementary. He has already signed his soul over to the Band.


Matt La Fronz--what is your best joke?
AG--Matt La Fronz (raucous applause)
JR--puts his hand on Greer. Makes a dirty pineapple joke.

tension is thick

Jon Calles--what do you think was the best part about showwriting
JR--I like shows that have poetic flow. I liked the history part of the homecoming show.
AG--I also want to work on my limericks.

Jodi Lapidus--what fruit would you live in and why?
JR--peach, b/c Dahl

Travel Manager, Treasurer candidate--Dana Rosenberg--question about cutting shows
AG-generic answer
JR--no answer, no one points this out

Josh Cooper--how can you get shit past censors?
AG--I already have!
JR--I don't want showwriting to be exclusive.

Josh Cooper--who is your audience?
AG/JR--blah blah blah

Jordan King--what do you want to do in the fall?
AG--zoo animals, etc.

Chris Dorian--what do you want to add to the VP role?
JR--communication (take a shot!)
AG--same sortsa things

Dr. Kushol--2014 is the 50th anniversary of scrambledom in the Penn Band! What do you want to do?
JR--a field day and parade
AG--I'll think about that later

Closing statements:
JR--I've found my home here
AG--I love that my voice (Jon's voice) gets heard

--DKJ to count votes--

--Josh Tags in--

David does announcements.
Josh Cooper is King of the Jews
Non-Denominational Secret Snow-Person is on Saturday

Our new Vice-President for the 2014 calendar year is Andres Gonzalez


Travel Manager Dana Rosenberg is the only name on the first ballot.

Tony Barberio nominates Rob, chop SL
Scott Stinner nominates Reeder, recruitment/retention chair
Chris Dorian nominates Kristi, social chair

ALL ACCEPT NODS. HOLY SHIT. UPDATE: HOLY FUCKING SHIT. We're going to be here until midnight.

DR: Joe Becker's mom (nursing prof) convinced Dana to join. She loves us. Treasurer does not require advanced financial skills.

Adam Gross--if you had to define your treasurership in one word, what would it be?
JR--KateKutch (boos of disapproval)

Chris Dorian (likes to talk)--how would you like to expand the role?
DR--more internal fundraising
RR--being a board member is very important, via DKJ's email
JR--no after-the-kneecap, gung-ho tactics
KL--says that DKJ says that anyone who wants to be on board would be fine treasurer and would have those necessary skills

DM Kylie Murrin--you all have current positions. How would you expand those skills?
RR--I've been creating music packets for the chops. I am organized.
JR--I excel at personal relationships. This is necessary for debt collection.
KL--I'm working with Kate on crafting a social chair budget.
DR--I planned amusement park roadtrips

Andi (frosh sax)--how do you want to use money differently?
KL--travel is being hit hard
RR--you're not much of a band if you don't have instruments. We've already gone through our instrument repair budget

Kutch (treasurer incumbent)--you must read Koosh's mind (commence hilarious dialogue)--how do you keep track of things
KL--Google docs, unless people don't check them
DR--I balance my checkbook. I would do something like that. I love the directors and would look forward to working with them.
RR--I think my drum major experience gives me an advantage
JR--I have a good working relationship with Greer and Koosh. Not Adam (hssss)

Flute SL Kelly Ha--What interactions have you had with other Board/Council members?
DR--I wrote quizzo with DKJ
RR--I worked with DKJ/Board and DR on the NSO Carnival
JR--Recruitment was very important for me. We talked to EVERYONE.
KL--(I went to check my email and wasn't paying attention)

Serge SP (senior flute)--how would you prevent the instrument repair problem?
blah blah blah

Chris Dorian--How would you feel about have instrument repairpeople? (shocked gasps) (His New Jersey accent is showing)
Greer--We call them "Equipment Managers"

--Closing statements--
largely repetition

--Josh is back--

Greer is doing more magic
Small rope, medium rope, long rope
Greer made a bad joke
Cheers go up for Scott to be Horse's Ass

Rob and Jacob are eliminated. The Runoff is between Dana and Kristi

Penn WBBALL is up 29-22 at Halftime

History of the Horse's Ass

The New Treasurer for the 2014 School Year is Dana Rosenberg

Clarinet SL Marietta Catsambas
Incumbent Secretary Josh Cooper
Freshman Steven Meisler

MC--I knew I had found my home at Penn in the Penn Band. As clarinet SL, I've made my section more cohesive and I have stayed on top of stuff. I am top of things and I care I care I care. I don't know what I would do without you guys. (she might be reading a piece of paper, but she is getting emotional). She wants to give back to the Band.

JC--I'm your current secretary. I probably should have sent out emails sooner. But I'm really good at getting to know people really well. It's my job to be creepy. I have people here who I can count on, which I can't say about anything else. I stayed here over Thanksgiving because I love you all more than I love my actual siblings.

UPDATE: @PBDecides2013 has hit its daily limit. Now tweeting @PBStillDecides

JC (cont'd): I love you guys, shucks. I'm staying here another 1.5 years.

SM: I am "Jukebox" Meisler and I know I am a baby. I think I would be the best fit for Secretary because I love everyone, especially the drumline. (ed. note: he is so damn adorable). I've been to everything I would possibly go to (ed. note: true). I want to be on the Board to represent you guys. Be wiser--vote Meisler!


Serge--name three freshmen. ANY FRESHMEN?!?!?!? Yes, any freshmen.
they each name three freshmen.

Chris Dorian--how can you use your age to your advantage (there is a huge gap).
SM: you can talk to me because I'm not as intimidating as a junior or a senior
MC: I have 2 years on Council experience
JC: I am a senior currently and I've seen a wonderful progression.

Ian--the Secretary positions says that you have to be at all events. Can you guarantee that?
SM: I've also cleared my schedules.
MC: I've been to everything except for when we played for Steve Roth.
JC: I've been to everything

Joe--do you plan to run for other positions in any other groups?
All: no, not really

Dana Rosenberg: How do your academic interests conflict with Board things?
MC: I take 4 classes (poli sci major) per semester. I'm fine.
SM: I'm a bioengineer, taking 7 classes. But I'm pretty anal.
JC: I am a freshman nurse. But I'll make it work.

Andi Frank: What can you add uniquely to Board?
people say things

DKJ asks about how you handle clandestine situations efficiently and effectively.

SM: catchphrase
MC: If I make a difference, it'll be here.
JC: I love you guys.

Josh on the call

Horse's Ass Nomination
The Scott who went to the Bahamas
The Scott that Flung
The Scott that ruined Alcoholism
The Trifucta
The Dana who forgot her Clarinet
The Reeder who wore a bellyshirt
The Reeder who is a Quaker Girl
The Dylan who hit Calles with a hammer

Third Place is Steven Meisler. We have a runoff between Josh Cooper and Marietta Catsambas for Secretary

Horse's Ass voting has commenced

We are one ballot short. Someone has left. We are revoting.

The Secretary for the 2014 Calendar Year is Marietta Catsambas

Congrats to the New Board! When drowning under emails, make sure to occasionally go up for oxygen.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Penn Band Election 2012: The Race to Office Keys and a Year of a Thousand E-mails

Welcome back for the Fabulous Fifth Annual Penn Band Elections Live Coverage. Exiting extrovert and out-going outgoing Vice President Sam Pasternack reporting from deep within the Cheeseman Laboratory for Atonal Polyphony. Our team will be bringing you live coverage for all 2 hours of this intense election on the best possible medium: a blog that hasn't been touched in two years.

Last year's election yielded an executive board of four seniors, all from different sections. According to our analytics department, that means that this year every race is open. No lazy incumbents to hinder these ambitious candidates. Let's take a look at the current field:

David Kaiser-Jones (Low Brass, '14, two-term Travel Manager, unopposed)

Vice President
Naomi Fitter (Drumline, Grad Student)
Andres Gonzalez (Low Brass, '15)

Joe Becker (Low Brass, '14, Section Leader, Band Camp Alum)
Ken Beierlein (Sax, '14, Drum Major)
Kate Kutschera (Chop, '14, Section Leader, former Travel Manager)

Marietta Catsambas (Clarinet, '15, Section Leader)
Josh Cooper (Drumline, '14, two-term Equipment Manager)

More election coverage after the egg fried rice from Beijing arrives.

Penn Band Election 2012: The Race to Office Keys and a Year of a Thousand E-mails. Please stay with us for more official coverage.


The Penn Band public starts to stumble in. The Chops have isolated themselves to their corner. The current chop voting body giggles at the ballots created by out-going President, the outgoing Jodi Lapidus: a mock Jeopardy board complete with classic Celebrity Jeopardy categories "States That Begin With Californ", "Catch These Men", "Colors That End in Urple", "Things You Shouldn't Put In Your Mouth", and "Potent Potables".

And now, an interview with an anonymous undecided voter:

Pasternack: Why are you still undecided?
Anonymous: Everybody else knows who they're going to vote for. I don't need to know who the candidates are. I'm not a bumper sticker salesman.
Pasternack: You didn't read the e-mails that listed the candidates, did you?
Anonymous: No. No I did not.
Pasternack: Well thank you, Jon Urban, for your anonymous opinion.
Anonymous: You're welcome.

Anonymous Source: Jon Urban has not read a single band e-mail in his 4 years as a member of the voting body.

Presidential candidate Kaiser-Jones has yelled, "You look like a Nazi youth!" to the Fanfare Society Vice Chair. Our sources tell us that the Vice Chair has in fact had a hair cut recently.

Lame Duck President Lapidus explains the rules of the election. Highlights of her speech include, "Don't screw it up" and "We're starting in 5 minutes."

President Lapidus asks for an assistant for her interactive Jeopardy game. Fanfare Vice Chair Tolan has volunteered to be her "Vannah White". He is corrected by about 39% of the band. Our analytics team is telling us that this is the lowest Jeopardy/Wheel of Fortune aptitude level within the voting body in the past 17 years.

The first chants of "Magic", "Pageant", and "Backflips" from Low Brass Sophomores, Frosh Jonathan, and Jen/Katie as Greer approaches the room.

Kaiser-Jones takes the floor to speak.

He thinks Jodi and this last board did an amazing job. End of CD production, Bahamas, and Project Percussion's end.

Appreciative of the job Jodi has done, and her ability to improve communication between Board and Council.

He answers his own question "Will he drop down?" with "flute section leader". Ends with famed quote from Dan Wood, " ".

David Kaiser-Jones is the new President.

Naomi speaks softly, carries a big piece of paper. Quotes Hangover, explains she is a grad student from Cincinnati. Quotes Hangover Wolfpack line again. Continues Wolfpack analogy. Explains the band was not looking for strippers or cocaine. Andres disagrees.

Explains that she has helped the Cincinnati band in all aspects. She says she has the ability to create parodies, applied for comedy writing class at Penn.

Andres asks what a Vice President is. Explains that he has been to nearly every showwriting for the past two years. Explains he has contributed to field shows, cites Yale show. Writes for the Punch Bowl.  He loves the band, explains band is welcoming and he feels in the right place. Creating a funny voice is his role in this band, and he thinks he is the best candidate for it.


Tolan: Goals for Vice President in Spring?
Andres: Already started writing shows for fall.
Naomi: Experience with recruitment and fundraising and wants to help in that realm.

Rob: Greatest downfall of our past Board?
Greer: Klitzman.
Naomi: I think they have done a really great job. Noticed at Council meeting that we don't have a recruitment chair and would help to fulfill that kind of role.
Andres: Inclusion. Showwriting, nothing against Sam, but the creative process is occasionally stifling. Wants to bring back the projector and be a bit more inclusive and transparent in Board process.

Serge: Favorite form of comedy?
Andres: over the top, outrageous, and jokes that require some thought--thinkers--jokes that the Penn Band itself won't get
Naomi: I made a joke during the Four Quadrants speech earlier in the year.  She raps.   TOO MANY WORDS TOO RAPIDLY.

VP Sam: Who have been new assets to showwriting.
Naomi: Unfortunately, I've never been to showwriting, but I know Sam and Scott and Andres
Andres: It's me, why would I lie?
VP Sam: New people!
Andres: Slayback, I guess?

Cooper: How do you keep the shows kosher [sic]?
Andres: As much Greer's and Koosh's band as it is our band.
Adam: Hey! I'm right here!
Andres: It's okay to get a little rowdy during, but it's not acceptable to be over the top.
Naomi: I think I'm good at channeling rowdiness into sneakiness and distilling it into things that the directors won't notice.

Zack: Favorite show since you've joined?
Naomi: I liked our date with Kristen Stewart, it's when she started seeing what we do.
Andres: Liked the Cornell show. Liked Engineering Library joke. Wasn't too direct of a reference.

Habeeb: Please give me a pun. Right now. I need a pun.
Greer: No. Forget that.

Travis: How long will you be with the band?
Naomi: 5 years.
Andres: I'm a soph. 2 more years.

Closing Statements

Andres: This question was bound to come up. [Pulls out his birth certificate and documentation.] I brought my social security card too.

Naomi: I have many special ethnic talents. (She does a percussive hand thing.)

Adam says "Don't write "The Cute One"" because I'm not running. This is the 7th consecutive year he has used that joke, according to Analytics.

With more coverage, we turn to Senior Chop Correspondent Will Chim...

Thanks Sam.

In the interim, as votes are counted, outgoing lame-duck President Jodi Lapidus is leading an extraordinary game of Jeopardy.  The themes are as follows:

2000s Television
Missouri Loves Company
Call Me May "B"
Katy Perry

Chop and DM extraordinaire Rob Ritchie selects "Things I Joshua" for 500.  Call Me Maybe is a terrible song, who knew?

Yeah, so, people are picking a bunch of questions and and people are answering them.  Just like Jeopardy, this is going at a lightning pace with tons of excitement.  The crowd is going insane, or something like that.

A question about Katy Perry!  Intense.

A question about Hill house!  Why.

Chim: We're doing Secret Snowflake!  Hidden Hannukah!  Gifts are less than 10 dollars.  Rob got some black market SNL DVDs for me!  Plus kandy.

Sam: The next VP of the Penn Band is Andres Gonzalez!

Andres yells something.

Nominations from the floor?  Nope.

Jake: I take your money.

Greer calls Sam (me) an irregular board member. By that he means I'm the most special best person ever, according to our analytics team.

Treasurer speeches...

Joe Becker takes the floor. Explains treasurer needs organization and he can provide that. He's wearing a beautiful suit. Explains you might not need a background in finance to be treasurer, cites previous treasurers and their academic experience. Explains that treasurer must work well with other members of the board. Cites Low Brassmen connection with Andres and Mr. KJ. Looks forward to working with Adam. Greer explains that Adam does not exist. He is merely a figment of our imagination. He worked with Koosh at band camp. He has spoken to Greer, for what reasons we do not know. He has a phone which can receive email at any time. Greer is checking his email as Joe talks. He looks disinterested or as if he is timing something...

Ken Beierlein takes the floor. He also has a smart phone. Brings the spreadsheets he spends his free time on. He calls them "fun". Has a passion for the background of a treasurer. Will be able to put in the time because he likes doing this. Built a PNL for a giant business last summer. He said polyeurethane and it confused me. He has ideas...wants to look at creative ways of financing. Wants to make money by spending money. Ken is also wearing a beautiful suit.

Kate Kutschera takes the floor. She looks nice too, and has a pen behind her ear so we can assume she has the ability to write. Stood in chop corner her first rehearsal, still there. Stranded with Rob, tackled by Greer, on wall of PNC...but still loves it and is still here. Explains band became her second family, band makes her happy. Does not have a smart phone. As a bank teller, learned to handle people's money. Does Kesem fundraising. Reasons she'd be a competent treasurer. She'd be a good treasurer because of her band experience and leadership, if she can take care of the chops, there is nothing she cannot due.

Chris: Ideas of what they want to do right away?
Joe: Making sure dues are in. Wants to hunt them down like the strong Soviet hunter he is.
Kate: Agrees this is an issue. Guilting is effective.
Ken: Wants to seek out different sources of fundraising.

Jen's phone beeps. I heard it, Jen.

Jodi: All three of you are on council. What are the best and most improvable things you could have done?
Ken: I think I'm good at conducting? Leaves that up to us. Communicates with other DMs but wants to communicate more with Section Leaders and Board.
Joe: For the Low Brass I created a spreadsheet to keep attendance together. He hasn't been as diligent with it as he was.
Kate: Biggest accomplishment is 7 new chops. Proud that she organized Chop Music Box of Disaster. Wants to improve band unity by reaching out to other sections. Wish she did more of that.

Spector: You'll need to make appeals for money. Pretend we're the SAC Board, convince us we need money for something.
Kate: Let's say we need money to repair instruments. Cites Band importance to the University. We can't play if we don't have instruments, so we can continue to exist and be a part of the University.
Joe: Wants to get new tubas. There's this one tuba we have that looks like it is from the 19th Century. Held together with duct tape and Greer's tears (my words not Joe's). It's ridiculous. We need money to buy one new tuba so this one poor soul can play something nice. Greer defends his personal tuba. Adam and Greer argue over tubas.
Ken: One of the biggest reasons to support us is we are most visible group on campus - from Locust Walk, road trips games - this is what everyone sees, parents, alumni, students alike.

Rob Ritchie: Biggest downfall of the Board?
Joe: Need more transparency.
Ken: Need more communication with Drum Majors.
Kate: Has been on Council for two years, Council meetings seem to be solely for Section Leaders. As Travel Manager role at Council meetings was unclear.

Habeeb: How far will you go to get money? What is your plan to approach someone and be invasive?
Ken: Approaching people individually and face-to-face is important. Would refrain from aggressiveness.

Ponto: Do you have the tax records to prove this?
Ken: I have not released my tax returns

Back to Habeeb's question...
Joe: E-mail can work, then go to face-to-face. Does this in Band House with rent.
Kate: Individual communication is key. Not just Secretary should know everyone in band, all Board should.

Kristi: Will you drop down?
All: No.

Tolan: What's the biggest financial problem in the band?
Kate: We keep breaking instruments.
Joe: Agrees with Kate and the assertion that we should keep people aware of the band's need to keep instruments safe.
Ken: Putting together external reports, staying transparent, instruments repair.

Closing Statements
Kate: Won't be able to change your opinions right now. She will continue to lead in the band no matter what.
Ken: Thanks for listening and I'm passionate about the position and have ideas I want to implement, and I have the background necessary to do this.
Joe: The Penn Band is what I care the most organization I care most about.

Voting on "Catch These Men"

Sam: Raise your hand if you want a Penn Band CD!
No one raises hand.  Chaos ensues.

Vox Bando: The Penn Band has a CD?

Update: Meal swipes are not an acceptable form of payment.

Cash flies in the air.  CDs are purchased.


Greer whips out a magic bag with a blue handkerchief and a white handkerchief.  This is dumb.  But what if Greer could put polka dots on the handkerchiefs?  Greer produces white handerchief with white spots and blue on blue.  The author gives up.  Actual magic!  He's a witch.

Greer continues, whipping out ropes that look like tapeworms.

Jake sneaks up to announce the

New Penn Band Treasurer is Kate Kutschera.

The Secretary race begins.  No nominations come from the floor.

But what does a Secretariat do?

Will has never won the Triple Crown. Stresses the importance of Board as a unit.

Josh takes the floor. Explains that he has been to EVERYTHING. Also the Equipment Manager, feels that he does a lot, organization closet and uniforms. He tries to know everyone here, understands that he is creepy, but sees us as his real family, which is why he was here for Thanksgiving. Good mentor/mentee relationship with former Secretary Jaci Rifkin. He wants to be our sibling because he loves us. Wants to make sure everyone is comfortable and that everyone feels that they belong. Explains that at showwriting spelling BOOB and the full narrative was his idea.

Marietta takes the floor. Has Council experience and explains that section leader and secretary have similar roles. Being section leader has instilled in her a sense of responsibility. The most important thing about being section leader is welcoming new people and making them feel like a part of their section. Wants to do that for the band as a whole. Wants everyone to be happy to be here, has done that with her section and wants it to continue. Felt accepted by the band, wants everyone to feel that way and will do her best to do so.

Rob: Talk about the downfall of the Board some more.
Marietta: Transparency is important, everyone should have a voice and feel included.
Josh: Board did a great job, juggling too many projects was one issue. Cohesiveness of Council will help.

Spector: How do you fit in with the rest of the Board?
Josh: Friends with them, has a strong voice and won't back down.
Marietta: Important to have all sections represented, no 'Nets on Board since '07. (Analytics team will confirm this.)

Tolan: How can you make sure you're going to be at all events?
Marietta: Band is my #1 priority, changed schedule so she can go to everything and will go to everything.
Josh: Missed 1 game because of cousin's wedding, then yelled at her. (Contacting cousin to fact-check.) Will be at everything, make as much time for us as he can.

Jodi: Explain a time you had to make a hard decision in band and how you made that decision.
Josh: As Equipment Manager, not many tough decisions. Made the decision to keep coming to band, didn't know if he fit in but stuck it out...and he does fit in! (My opinion, not his.)
Marietta: Making her section feel unified and a part of the band was important, cares about how her decision making affects everyone's best interest.

Sec. Chim: Biggest band-wide issues you would like to fix?
Marietta: Band is creating new identity and wants to continue to push that forward. Wants everyone to feel like they have a voice.
Josh: Wants to make Band the safe space for everyone. You will always be loved.

Lauren: Do you have the theme idea for emails?
Josh: Pet of the week is a possible theme.
Marietta: Things Lauren likes.

Sec. Chim: What do you see as the line in group behavior? Something Board has to deal with.
Marietta: Everyone needs to feel safe in band. Line needs to be clear how far people can go in rowdiness.
Josh: Wants to lay off personal attacks.

Serge: How many events has Adam been to?
Josh: I guess 4.
Marietta: I guess 5.
Adam: [Names 6 things.] BAM BITCHES!

When Adam says "Bam Bitches!" Voting body applauds raucously. This is the most beautiful moment of the election.

Closing Statements
Marietta: Loves the band. Wants everyone to feel safe here.
Josh: Works well with the other three members. His voice isn't always heard. He wants to see the band grow and be successful.

Voting on States That Begin With Californ.

Adam, holding Voting Hat, assumes role of man on seagull-infested beach holding funnel cake in air.  He is swarmed.

Last Announcements ever from President Lapidus.  Lots of women's basketball coming up.  Band contains its excitement.

Shannon Dailey--I wrangled a possum last night.

Your new Penn Band Secretary is Mr. Joshua Cooper.

Horse's Ass Award.

Vox Bando: SCOTT.


  • The Scott who showed his true colors to Jodi
  • The Scott who pissed out the window at Dartmouth
  • The Scott who went to Dartmouth
  • The Jon who bought a dangerous liquid
  • Nicolas Cage for being Nicolas Cage
  • The Birch Sap
Kristi Littleton (klitt@seas, actually email address): CSSP holiday party is coming sometime in December.  Universal excitement.

The elections make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.  We're done.


Sam here for a recap of what transpired tonight. We laughed, we cried, we bought some CDs. Adam moved us with his memories of the six events he attended this semester.

Our thanks to our field reporters who covered the event with such journalistic integrity. We shall end with some facts about the new President Elect David Kaiser-Jones and his place in Penn Band history:

  • David Kaiser-Jones is the first former travel manager to run unopposed for the executive board since Zach Klitzman.
  • David Kaiser-Jones is the first of the Low Brassmen to run unopposed since Zachary Klitzman.
  • David Kaiser-Jones is the first person from Maryland to run unopposed since Zachariah Klitzman.
  • David Kaiser-Jones is the first person whose last name starts with K to run unopposed since Zacharemus Klitzman.
In what other ways will President Elect Kaiser-Jones resemble Zach Klitzman?

Check back with us next year to find out...

Monday, November 29, 2010

Elections: Dies Dominica xxix Novembris MMX

6:06 PM
We are live at the Penn Band Elections, The Balls reporting in. First things first, this is a formal event with all candidates dressed to the 9's trying to impress the voting masses. Also to note several key beards have been shaved prior to the end of elections. Apparently the band has taken a trip to clean town.

First a Quick List of Candidates

President - Matt Gazz(Sax, Junior, Current VP) Vs Evan Hodges Leclaire (Drums, Junior/Silent Partner, Fan Fare VP)
VP - Jake Spector(Sophomore, Trombone) vs Sam Pasternak(Sophomore/Band Camp Alum, Drums)
Treasurer - Jodi Lapidus(Sophomore, Sax, Sax Section Leader) vs Mike "Pips" Can'tspellit (Junior, Drum Section Leader)
Secretary - Angela Halstead(Junior, Recruitment chair) vs Her Red Hair(Also a Junior, Satan).

I will be munching some beef jerky and prepping for the beginning of elections.

Tensions seem to be running low. Expect that to change soon. There is a pretty legitimate turnout tonight, but alas we are starting late.

Greer and Stunner take center stage with a Quick Announcement about BBALL. Joe Burns Adam with witty retort. Elections are now officially starting. To much surprise noone has read Greer's emails on how elections work, and thus Stunner explains how elections work. A quick summary:

All Candidates get 2 minutes to give a speech (Pres 4 minutes). After both have given a speech a brief Q&A period follows. After and election is held, the loser may choose to drop down to another position. The elections go in Pres-->VP-->Treasurer-->Secretary. Adam makes terrible Joke. People laugh at Joe.

Presidential election time: Stunner explains the Job
President: Runs the board, ensures the smooth operation of the Band. Attend SMAC/SAC/PAC meetings. Deal with general Band Issues.

(Gordon Garner's Applause for something I can't see)

Matt Gazz:
- Points out he is the current VP
- Supports Democracy
- Talks about the fact that he is tacky enough to wear 2 lapel pins
- These show
- He is not a terrorist (America Pin)
- He is a dedicated to Band (Fanfare member)
Matt points out his past leadership positions in the band as reasons he is fit to be Pres
- Sax Section Leader
- VP
- Being on board for a year prepares you for what it is to be President. The four board positions need to work together to maintain a coherent and strong band and being the only possible incumbent member Gazz could more readily foster this.
Possibly actually organize a realistic trip for the end of the year. Organize a new CD which still hasn't been made. Wants to give back to the Band by Being Pres

EHL: Band is about much more than music. Incredible social outlet as well as a relief from the everyday scholastic stress of school. Decided to become Vice Chair of fanfare at end of Sophomore year. Evan highlights the jobs of fanfare. Highlights the fact that fanfare is actually a legitimate organization that has accountability and fiscal responsibility. In HS EHL was lead officer of his Band. Believes that this is a good preparation for our Band. In his Vice Chair role of fanfare he points out that he is very proactive in his role, that he does need to be asked and takes initiative. Also he has consistently put forth ideas in order to help the band. He wants to be President for the People, to contribute to the Band as one of the people.


Stunner: What is the Most Imp Attribute for a Successful Band
EHL: President is the figure head of the band. Need a proactive person to eliminate uncertainty.
Gazz: President needs to be a person of the people. Micromanagement through the council is what can keep people in this band.

Jaci: Can you tell us about a time where there was an issue that you needed to deal with quickly as a leader in band.
Gazz: There are times when parts of the shows got cut right before we needed to practice it. Needed to come up with material on his feet in order to get the show done.
Evan: Fanfare has inductions every semester. FF missed a possible candidate this semester and Evan did everything he could to smoothly initiate that person.

Justine: How to Balance Social Aspects of the Band with Organizing
EHL: Capable of interacting with everyone and organizing what needs to get done. Can see this through is DJing
Gazz: Has been "Living The Dream" as he feels he currently encompasses both of these issues.

Jake: If you weren't elected would you run for something else
Gazz: Would drop to VP as he needs somehting to take up his inbox!
EHL: Yes he would drop down to sec. He has thought about being on board for a long time and decided Pres is the best way to lead this band.

Me: Can you handle the fact that you will potentially have your GF/Best friends on this board with you
EHL: Yes. He believes it's critical to the position of being on Board and comes down to the core of why he is running.
Gazz: Board is very evenly distributed this year and that has prepared him for what would be to come regardless of who is on board. He knows what needs to be done and would do the job.

Jake Spect: What would you do differently as President
Gass: Immediately be able to pick up at the beginning of his term. Need to work closely with the council in order to motivate people to attend events. Work as close with council as possible.
EHL: There is a sense of uncertainty about what we are doing as a band. Would stay on top of what there is to do and be prepared.

Ellen: Have you ever had to deal with an ENEMY!?
EHL: Times in the drum line when they had to work together between clashing members where things would become uncomfortable. Need to be level headed. EHL essentially invalidates my entire approach to life! He is good at seeing both sides and can mediate the situation.
Gazz: Independent of your previous friendships, once on board you get to know everyone closely. In example, the band knows the story of DPS. The situation was handled quickly and a decision was made.

Nia: Do you have a smart phone?
BOTH:: Yes
Nia: Can you be ready for your phone to blow up?
Gazz: Greer and Adam eventually stop sending email. Koosh sends emails at 6:00AM because... Gazz knows what it takes to respond to emails.
Evan: Extremely fast email responder. He believes turn around time is important!

Gordon: What changes have you implemented this year
Gazz: Weekly email as Sax Section Leader: Helps keep coming. As VP the former VP was silent on issues. Gazz decided to be a much more proactive VP

Closing Statements
EHL: "I definitely do love this Band" It's his only activity. He is confident in his ability to lead and is honored to be President.
Gazz: Enjoys band, and we are his "Good Friends" Wants to give back to the organization and wants to continue the momentum. Gazz then pulls the band's constitution from his lapel pocket.

Voting commences on Polk's Hair...

Greer entertains the masses with magic tricks. Greer makes Racist Joke about cards. HE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT!!!! Magically he divines a card Ellen chose.

Koosh is now trying to sell band apparel to people as hannukah presents. If you are an ALUMNI, BUY OUR STUFF AND GIVE US MONEY!. Koosh then shamelessly plugs his own book so that his children can eat more than just curry. People accuse the balls of being racist.

The President of the Penn Band for the Year of 2011 is Mathew Gazzara

VP Election Time!

Newly elected President Mathew Gazzara describes the position of VP.

Jake Spector: Points out that he is webmaster of Penn Band. Then quotes Muhammed Ali and says the penn band halftime shows will have wings! Wants to draw people out to showwriting in order to incorporate everyones ideas at showwriting. If show writing is just in the fall what will he do in the Spring!? Help with recruitment and retention and help plan the next band trip. As webmaster has revolutionized the section webpages as well as the new "Join the Penn Band" page. Ends with a line from Journey

Sam Pasternak: He does two things on the campus is Penn Band and is managing editor of the Punch Bowl. Essentially points out that he just writes comedy on the campus. More important than comedy writing is working with other people. His door will always be open for new and interesting ideas. Show writing, like BFL will send PPL to the Hospital. He has recently begun arranging music again and believes that being able to arrange will really help the role of VP. Ends with a line from Double Rainbow.

Koosh: What is your favorite show?
Sam: Cornell. The show was indefensible by Cornell, thought it was very funny/ was a blast to write.
Jake: Senior show, the show looked really good.

Jake: Tell us a joke
Jake S: Anyone who knows me, knows I can't tell a joke?
Sam: Sam tells a joke about shooting people?

Dillon: How would you improve show writing?
Sam: Would have an hour to draft a show. For the first 20 or so minutes nothing got done. Thus when we got to the show we didn't have much time in person. Go to dinner to get ideas out of the way and then write the show hcore int he band room.
Jake: Similar sentiment.

Jaci: Name three new people who come to show writing?
Jake: Me, Joe Becker
Sam: same, + DKJ

Pips: How to make sure shows aren't censored?
Sam: Having done comedy before he is known as the clean one. Is used to lightening up Masturbation jokes. Need to appeal to audience without being gross.
Jake: Ideas that are on the fence need to be backed up just in case.

Camille: How can you tell people they aren't funny?
Sam: Ask Josh Cooper. Some other stuff, but that was funny.
Jake: Usually everyone is funnier than him so he'd go about it nicely. Wants to make it a fun atmosphere.

Stunner: VP is a weird job as you have a lot of work in the fall, but have free reign in the spring, what are you well suited for?
Jake: Webmaster and big part of recruiting. Believes he can be apar tof recruiting again and help new webmaster get acclimated.
Sam: Started Cheerleader vs Penn Band game in the spring. Been talking about the CD and has ideas for the CD and format. Believes it would be a ton of fun.

Closing Statements
Sam: Really wants the job. Has a relationship with koosh and adam and he respects Greer... for some reason.
Jake: Loves Everything.

Voting on Richard Nixon's Hair

Will Chim and Camille join Greer on stage. A chorus of "Will Chim's" Dad commences. This Trick is confusing. Will Chim tries to Ruin it all showing everyone he is the Real David Sawyers. This Trick is incredibly confusing... Noone understands what's going on. Greer attempts to pawn off counting as magic...

Sam is the New Vice President

Gordon describes the roll of treasurer. You need to write budgets, manage accounts, contribute to board discussions and attend meetings.

7:34 Jodi Lapidus
Starts speech with a long quote from Shaq about being awesome. Jodi wants to spend money on what the band needs. The first thing is increasing repitoire (i can't spell this) by buying new music. Wants to organize frequent fundraisers so the band can actually go on a trip. Reasons she is qualified: She is jewish; she is the Sax section leader and has increased size of section 5 fold; extremely organized and would do a great job.

Penn bando first and foremost. He is a math major and accounting minor. Has experience with microsoft excel, and is skilled in the tools. Wants to be a good board member and that involves being an active and enthusiastic member. Band > School which means that he can always put band first. Has been a section leader for two years, largest section in the band, and there is a reason for that.

Tom: Gordon is a wizard. How would you become the band treasurey wizard?
Pips: Talk to Gordon and acquaint himself with the task at hand.
Jodi: Similar

Jake: Sac Funding XP?
Both: NO

Ellen: How can you work with the people currently on board as of tonight?
Pips: Working relationship with both people on board as well as friendship with pips. Math background can round that out.
Jodi: Similar to pips but gazz instead of Sam, she brings decisiveness to the board.

Justine: Will you be available to do the little things
Both: Point out their section leader prowess which honestly they are damn good at (My Opinion).

Jaci: What is your favorite currency excluding the dollar:
Pips: Yen because you can alot of them for cheap
Jodi: Something about the deutch mark that I missed (sorry).

Koosh: Make a pitch for something that we need right now:
Jodi: We need new drums. Currently the bass drum harness is broken and is a hazard. If that breaks, someone could get hurt and we need new things to keep us safe.
Pips: Arranging software for the band in order to add a personal touch to the band.

Gordon: What are the biggest expenses in the band?
Pips: Transport
Jodi: Instruments.

Godron: How do you think finances work?
This is boring... You can email Greer about it... My fingers are tired.

Closing Statements
Pips: Math Finance info/Loves Band
Jodi: Love to do the job for everyone.

Voting on Marten Van Buren's Hair

7:52 Greer starts a new magic trick. I think he just made fun of my Penis... I'm not sure.
He is now naming his fingers like the old, crazy man he is. Tonights theme is really the middle finger. Greer has now given the band the finger twice and Adam once. I am excited.


The new Treasurer is Mike "Pips" Guarino

7:59 Secretary
Evan is nominated for secretary. He accepts. Jaci describes what the secretary does.

Angela: Angela plays the Piccolo. She believes she is the best candidate for the position. She has nearly perfect attendance and is a member of Fanfare. As a freshman she was recruitment chair, and has been recruitment chair for the last two years. Under Angela the Penn band has tripled in size since her freshmen year. She works over the summer to increase recruitment. Believes recruitment chair has prepared her to be secretary as she has to keep excel sheets of all incoming members.

Evan: No Speech

- First question is inane
Nia: What would you do differently?
Evan: Improve schedule email efficiency.
Angela: Agrees. Getting good standing list out earlier so people know where they are standing and what they need to do. In addition continue to get to know everyone

Gazz: Angela what have you done differently than previous RC
Angela: During my time as recruitment chair i've sent personalized emails and tried to keep up with sheets on individuals.
Evan: Secretary is responsible for retention. you have to get to know them all. Good at talking to people into the band.

Joe: What unsung things have you done in the band as secretary is the unsung board position
Evan: Taken a role in organizing the drum section with instrumentation.
Angela: Individually compiled all the gift bags for freshman, gone to every show writing and helped with tons of set up and band helping out. Sends hundreds of individual emails.

Sam: Something I didn't hear but I'm pretty sure it's just my question from earlier... It is.
Angela: Matt and She can put aside their relationship to get stuff done. They work in the same lab and know how to jobs complete.
Evan: Pips and evan get along great... sam is a good friend of his... Gazz and he work together well.

They point to people and name them... They both go 3/3 (if only they shot free throws for the basketball team)

Closing Statements
Evan: Everything earlier applies. The Board is highly cooperative and he would love to work with the 3 other peeople. Secretary helps retention and recruitment which he holds important.
Angela: Secretary is her number 1 choice and wants to help the band in what she thinks she can do best. By being recruitment chair for 2 years she is prepared to be secretary.

Voting on Chester Allen Arthur's Hair

8:10 Horses Ass Award: Greer describes the Horses Ass Award which you all know! He opens the floor for nominations:

Pips - Losing the Key to FF
Adu - For running a midnight marathon right to the hospital

Greer Makes Fun of Catholicism... Jesus Is Coming for Him

Voting commences on Bill Clinton's Hair

Angela is The New Secretary

Thanks for reading everyone

Monday, November 30, 2009


So new board:

President: Stephen "Stunna" Abrahms Downey, 2011
Vice President: Matt "Gazprom" Gazzara, 2012
Treasurer: Gordon 2011
Secretary: Jaci Rifkin 2011

But in short want happened was Jaci dropped down to take on Erica "The Sauce" Miranda/Natalie Farah. They're running together since Erica might go abroad (aka to the faraway land of Washington D.C.).

In the end Jaci wins, winning her second conseccutive term as secretary.

That's it from the Cheeseman. If you want to see funny versions of this click here and here.


Next up: Gordon runs for treasurer unopposed. No one challenges him. He is acclaimed victor. But he'll have to get an extra year of eligibility/fail some of his classes to match Eammonn's three-terms as Treasurer. (9:36)
Internet problems prevented me from posting this earlier. Sorry. (9:23 p.m.)

Welcome to the 2009 Penn Band elections live blog. I’m Zach Klitzman, soon to be lame duck Vice President and I’ll try to emulate the expertise of Noah "Chris Webber” who did this blog the last two years. It’s going to be tough, since he’s now a professional blogger. Tough to top a pro.

The candidates are as follows:
President Stephen “Big Stunna” Abrams Downey versus Jaci “not Jackie” Rifkin
Vice President: Matt “Gazprom” Gazarra versus Mike “Pips” Guarino
Treasurer: Gordon “mini Eamonn” Watkins
Secretary: Erica “the Sauce” Miranda

Big Stunna is wearing a dapper gray suit with a red tie and oxford blue shirt. But the white socks don’t go with the brown loafers. If elected I guess we’ll have yet another President who dresses weirdly.
Not Jackie’s wearing a black blouse that is faintly similar to the puffy shirt of Seinfeld fame.
Pips is wearing jeans, the Penn shield shirt they gave away at homecoming last year and a brown track jacket. Not going to lie, the slovenly look is exactly what the Vice Presidency is all about.
Gazprom is running late for an exam, so in the meantime GREER’S DOING MAGIC! Apparently outgoing President Joe Coyne can’t tell the difference between red and black cards. He eventually shows up and is wearing a dark black suit with an American flag label. Guess he’s not a terrorist.
Mini Eamonn is wearing jeans and an off-white button down.
The Sauce is wearing jeans and a red shirt. Very penn colors-y

Stunna gives the first speech. He quotes the definition of president from the dictionary, but then ripes up his “speech” announcing he must speak from the heart. He talks about the tale of a young lad at the University of Pennsylvania without a clue of what to do. But then one day this lad’s mother told him to join the band. So then, In the words of Stunna “I said ok, I’ll join the band.” The rest of the speech describes his love of the band as it defined his college career. He ends it by quoting Pericles telling the band to cherish the band every day.
Next up is Jaci. She also talks about how much the band has meant to her. She thinks she’d be the best president because of experience: drum line section leader as freshman, secretary as sophomore as well as conducting assistant and show writing committee member. Observed the President in meetings, went to IBC. Also cites her people skills. She’d be “Proud and happy to lead you.” In short, the speech was very direct, but alas didn’t quote Pericles.

Q&A session:
Joe Coyne asks what could I have done better as President.
Jaci talks about the board email list serve and how the responses weren’t in sync.
Stunna: unnecessary yelling since he’s all about love.
Becca Aaberg: Jaci, you’ve been interested in Drum Major. So what gives/which would you choose? (note: paraphrase)
Jaci claims she’s still going to run for Drum Major. She avoids the choosing question, but when pressed says on board.
Becca’s followup: Not on board, but how are you prepared
Stunna: Fanfare and council. Some understanding of how it operats.
Brian Wright: want in general do you want to be different next year
Stunna: good year for most part, like the direction. Can’t think of amy single major thing.
Jaci: “I feel the same way” Frustrating we don’t have a band house, but not administrative.
I ask what did you do in the past year and want could you change
Jaci: doesn’t get the question at first, but then says did a good job knowing people in the band as secretary.
Stunna: try to hold some events as Low Brass leader. So as President socialize.
Me 2: Fanfare. What’s it’s role etc in your administration
Stunna should be more open and lack of house.
Jaci: didn’t run in the past for fanfare because too busy but will do so in the future. Also agrees with Stunna that it should be more open. In fact, she thought it was a secret society.
Joe Coyne: As President I live in the band room (paraphrase). Can you put in the same commitment.
Jaci: yes, my schedule is going to be clear next semester.
Stunna basically says the same thing.
Other Joe C(Catania): Favorite band moment?
Stunna: Single moment tough. Interaction with visiting fans, within the games is when people have the greatess awareness.
Jaci: Homecoming this year. Playing don’t stop believing and everyone screaming “I felt like a rock star.”
Daniel “Rockhound:” How do you make sure other groups will be included (i.e. other sections).
Jaci: That’s what’s council for.
Stunna: not a formal thing. Have to be outgoing.

Jaci’s closing statement: worked hard (in band), love band, feel great when I put something together. Sweet if you vote for me.

Stunna: Ensure it’s fun and entertaining.

My analysis: Both had similar views, none really groundbreaking. But they’re both very dedicated bandos. So they’d both make good presidents.

And the President is…. Stunna

Gazprom speech: All you need to know is that I love this band, almost as much as I love America (touches American flag lapel). Says first thing he did at Penn was go to the bookstore and pay $25 for Band Before Time (alternate title: Chinese Democracy). Says he would wear Penn Band pin, but doesn’t need to because his record speaks for himself. Best attendance of candidates. Helped girlfriend with recruiting. Says he took note of my (klitzman’s) strengths and shortcomings as VP. And helped with emergency show writing gigs. Lull freshman into show writing.
Pips: Starts off by talking about nicknames. Says that he is dedicated and can “prove it” since he attends a lot of things. Despite “NFK” moniker he’ll listen to the censors—you guys. Helped with recruitment as percussion section leader.

Ex President Coyne: How do you make sure shows aren’t about pokemon or obscure historical reference.
Pips says it’s about show writing committee.
Matt says he can do it as well.
Sam Pasternack: Top three shows
Gaz: Homecoming (because of obscure historical references), Cornell (lots of people came), Dartmouth before it got censored.
Pips: Homecoming (crowd into it), Cornell (Dos equis was good) , Columbia (good music)
Koosh: pushing the envelope much?
Pips: in between family guy and south park
Gaz: looking at other school’s sites to poke mild fun.
I continue this theme:
Gaz: Got to find happy medium. Had experienced with you (klitzman)
Pips: Err on the side of tame. Better then getting completely shut down and then starting from scrath.
Rework shows:
Pips: Band is No. 1 priority to rework shows. Going on other people.
Gaz: way to prevent this: plan show writing earlier. Didn’t get it really submitted until week of performance. Plan on getting it done early to submit to censorship committee early.
Ex Prez: Want would you do as VP in spring semester?
Gaz: Help with retention.
Pips: Join Fanfare
Roger: Gaz your tie matches Stunna’s suit. Pips, your outfit doesn’t. Gaz, What’s your working relationship with the new President?
Pips: I’m friends with Stunna
Gaz: just both wanted to wear suits. Live together
Angela: Something you’ve done to go out of your way as section leaders.
Gaz: section events, but also hosted parties, which involves cleaning up throw up.
Pips: let people play different instruments. Also can get a house for parties.
Brian Wright: Would you run for sectional leader again if you lose?
Both say yes
The Sauce: What did klitzman do wrong?
Gaz: make show writing earlier
Pips: Make show writing more fun, potentially better time.
I ask if they have show ideas, but am overruled by Ex Prez and Greer.

Closing statements: pretty basic.

Winner is Gazprom.

Friday, January 30, 2009

He's With The Band

He’s With the Band

Greer Cheeseman EAS’77 (surrounded, with whistle) has been involved with the Penn Band for 35 years as a student, assistant director upon graduation, and director since 1994. Among many other distinctions, according to a band press release, Greer started the tradition of throwing toast during the playing of “Drink a Highball.” This fall the band celebrated his three-and-a-half decades of service at its 111th Anniversary Gala event, with more than 200 alumni and students in attendance. This photo is from Alumni Weekend 2008.